Having somewhere that belongs to them

Young people often spend a lot of time being told what they need to do. Parents, carers, teachers and other adults may be trying to help, but it can sometimes leave a young person feeling that everyone has an opinion about them while nobody really understands what life feels like from their side.

Counselling offers something different.

The space belongs primarily to the young person. My role is not to tell them how they should behave, persuade them to agree with the adults around them or decide what they ought to be feeling.

Trust can take time. Some young people talk easily, while others need longer before they feel comfortable opening up.

Both are okay.

Counselling does not have to mean sitting and talking

Not every young person finds it easy to sit opposite an adult and talk continuously for fifty minutes. Counselling can be more flexible than that.

Depending on what feels comfortable and appropriate, we might use a whiteboard, drawing, writing, visual approaches or sand tray work alongside conversation.

A young person may also want to move, change position, fiddle with something, look away while they speak or take time to think before answering. These are not distractions from counselling.

Sometimes having another way to communicate can make it easier to explore feelings or experiences that are difficult to put into words.

Neurodivergence and feeling different

For some young people, ADHD, autism or other forms of neurodivergence may already be part of their lives. Others may be waiting for assessment, wondering whether neurodivergence could be relevant, or simply feeling different from their peers.

School and college environments can bring particular pressures. Noise, transitions, deadlines, social expectations, organisation and concentration can all become exhausting.

A young person may appear to be coping well while finding things much harder underneath.

Counselling cannot diagnose ADHD or autism, but it can offer space to explore what everyday life actually feels like, what leaves them overwhelmed, what helps, and where they feel most able to be themselves.

Family, friendships and relationships

Relationships can feel particularly intense during adolescence.

Friendship difficulties, feeling excluded, first relationships, changes within a family, separation or divorce, conflict at home and trying to become more independent can all have a significant emotional impact.

A young person may care deeply about their family while also feeling angry with them. They may want more independence while still needing reassurance and support.

Counselling can offer a neutral space where these conflicting feelings can exist without somebody immediately taking sides.

Confidentiality and keeping young people safe

Privacy is an important part of counselling.

Young people need to know that counselling is not simply another place where everything they say will automatically be reported back to parents, carers or school.

At the same time, confidentiality has limits. If I become concerned that a young person or somebody else may be at significant risk of harm, there may be times when information needs to be shared with an appropriate person or safeguarding professional.

Wherever it is safe and possible, I would aim to talk with the young person about this rather than making decisions around them without explanation.

These boundaries are discussed clearly at the beginning so that both the young person and their parent or carer understand how confidentiality works.

How I work with young people

My approach is humanistic and person-centred, which means I begin with the young person rather than a list of behaviours that other people want changed.

There may be things causing concern at home or school, but I am interested in understanding what may be happening underneath those behaviours and what life feels like from the young person’s perspective.

We can work at their pace. Sometimes the most important thing initially is simply creating a relationship in which they feel accepted and do not have to perform, achieve or give the “right” answer.

Over time, counselling may help a young person understand their emotions more clearly, recognise patterns, explore relationships and develop a stronger sense of what they need.