Women, Midlife & Neurodivergence

You may have spent years being the person who manages, adapts, keeps going and gets things done. Other people may see you as capable and organised, while privately you know how much effort it can take to hold everything together.

Then, somewhere around midlife, things may begin to feel different. Changes associated with perimenopause or menopause can coincide with changes in sleep, concentration, memory, energy and emotional wellbeing. For some women, this is also when ADHD, autism or other forms of neurodivergence begin to enter the conversation, particularly when familiar ways of coping no longer seem to work as well as they once did.

When familiar ways of coping feel harder

Midlife can bring several changes at once. Relationships may be shifting, children growing up, parents needing more support, work feeling different, and questions around identity, ageing, confidence or what you want from the next part of your life may begin to surface.

At the same time, you may find yourself becoming more easily overwhelmed, struggling to concentrate or organise yourself, feeling more sensitive to noise or other demands, or needing more time alone than you used to. Things you once managed may suddenly seem to require much more energy.

Intimacy, relationships and your changing sense of self

Changes in sexuality and intimacy can also be part of midlife. You may notice changes in sexual desire, arousal, comfort with touch or how you feel about your body. Physical changes linked with perimenopause and menopause can affect intimacy too.

These changes can sometimes bring confusion, frustration or distance within relationships, especially when it feels difficult to explain what has changed. You may also find yourself questioning what intimacy, attraction, connection and relationships mean to you now.

Counselling can offer a space to explore these experiences openly and without judgement, at your own pace.

Looking back through a different lens

For some women, midlife is also when earlier experiences begin to make more sense. You may start to recognise patterns from childhood, school, work or relationships differently, particularly if ADHD, autism or other forms of neurodivergence have become part of the picture.

People-pleasing, perfectionism, over-preparing, withdrawing, becoming intensely focused on certain things, struggling with transitions or constantly adapting yourself to meet other people’s expectations may begin to look less like personal failings and more like ways you learned to cope.

For some people this brings relief. For others, it can bring sadness, anger or questions about why things were not recognised earlier. None of this has to lead to a label. Sometimes simply having space to become curious about these patterns can be valuable in itself.

How I work with this

I work in a person-centred and humanistic way, which means we can explore what is happening for you without rushing to label or explain it.

We can look at the ways you have learned to cope, what now feels harder to carry, and what helps you feel more like yourself. If it feels useful, we can also pay attention to how stress, tension and emotion show up in your body, rather than focusing only on thoughts.

Counselling cannot diagnose ADHD or autism, and it is not a medical treatment for perimenopause or menopause. It can, however, offer space to explore how these different parts of your experience may be affecting you together.