Trust does not have to happen immediately

If you have been let down, judged, controlled or harmed by other people, being asked to trust a counsellor simply because they are a counsellor may make very little sense.

You may arrive guarded, unsure whether counselling is for you, worried about being judged, or testing whether it really feels safe to open up. You might find silence easier than talking, change the subject when something feels too close, use humour or minimise experiences.

I do not see those responses as you being “difficult”.

Often, the ways we protect ourselves developed for a reason. Trust can develop gradually through what happens between us, rather than being something you are expected to offer at the beginning.

When the past shows up in the present

Difficult experiences can continue to shape how you understand yourself, other people and relationships long after the original situation has ended.

You may react strongly to criticism, conflict, rejection or feeling ignored. Certain situations might leave you feeling trapped, powerless or intensely alert without immediately knowing why. You may avoid particular people or conversations, struggle to relax, disconnect from what you feel, or notice that your body reacts before you have had time to make sense of what is happening.

Relationships can feel complicated too. You may want closeness while also finding it difficult to trust, struggle with boundaries, or find yourself taking responsibility for other people’s emotions while losing sight of your own.

Shame and self-blame

Sometimes shame becomes part of the way difficult experiences are carried.

You may blame yourself for things that happened to you, choices you made while trying to survive, relationships you stayed in, or periods of your life that other people have judged.

Counselling can offer space to look at those experiences without reducing you to the worst thing that has happened to you — or the worst thing you believe you have done.

The aim is not to excuse harm or ignore consequences, but to understand your experiences in a fuller and more compassionate way.

You do not have to tell me everything

Working with difficult experiences does not mean having to recount every detail of your past.

There may be things you do not want to discuss, things you are not ready to put into words, or experiences that feel too overwhelming to approach directly. We can work at a pace that feels manageable and pay attention to what is happening for you now, as well as what has happened before.

Sometimes the work may involve talking. At other times, it might be about noticing patterns, emotions, relationships or what happens in your body when something becomes difficult.

There is no pressure to tell the most painful part of your story before you are ready.

How I work with this

My approach is humanistic and person-centred. I have worked with people carrying complex life experiences, including people who may have had difficult relationships with services or good reasons to mistrust professionals.

I am interested in understanding what has happened in your life, how you have learned to survive and adapt, and how those experiences may be affecting you now.

We may explore patterns that keep repeating, what happens when you feel threatened or overwhelmed, the relationships in which you feel safer or less safe, and the expectations you carry about yourself and other people.

The therapeutic relationship itself can also become part of the work. If something I say does not feel right, if you feel misunderstood or unsure whether you can trust me, there can be room to talk about that rather than pretending it has not happened.